My Own Episode of Hoarders

I'm taking a break. I'm blogging instead of finding something else to eat. We're moving and I'm trying to pack. Tonight my insanity stems from my hoarding and procrastination. Actually, this time it was my mother's hoarding.  I simply continued the tradition.

My parents were forced to move when my mother could no longer care for my dad.  If your parents are aging and you think that you have a plan, or you choose to stick your head in the sand, you'd better pull your head out with both hands.  (I could teach a class on that.) My parents knew that at some point they would need to move out of the house where they had lived for over 50 years.  My mother was the most able-bodied of the two and they were supposedly going through and purging things in preparation for an eventual move. I do realize that she had her hands full taking care of my father, but I also realize that this was something that she did not want to face. 

When the move occurred, I was shocked at the amount of "stuff" that they had kept throughout the years. They collected antiques and vintage items.  Furniture, pottery, glassware--you name it.  Some trinkets were purchased and some were gifts or family mementos. There were old receipts, even for a appliances purchased many years before my birth.  At one point, my mother's cabinets were so full of stuff that the mounting began to fail and the cabinets had to be emptied and reinforced.  I did not realize that she filled them up again.  Most of those things were moved to my house.  We managed to incorporate some items into our home decor, but some things still remained boxed up   We tried to start the process, but either Mother's sleep disorder would kick in or we would spend too much time reading every piece of paper, looking at every picture, reminiscing too much, and laughing too hard.

Fast forward to the present.  My dad passed away in 2005 and my mother passed away in 2008.  Guess which only child has been too overwhelmed to deal with it all?  Guess who left her mother's room mostly as it was when she had to go to a nursing home at least a year before her death?  Guess who has also inherited the hoarding gene?

This weekend, I realized that we never opened my dad's briefcase after we moved him to the nursing home.  It was just as he had left it the last time he went to church with it.  A Bible, pens, and sermons were still neatly in place. There was even a card that he had received from one of the families of one of his churches. Last night I finally went through the chest of drawers and discarded old unusable stuff and organized probably 20 handkerchiefs.  I even found gloves that I could have loaned to Queen Elizabeth for the Royal Wedding.  Tonight it was a box of papers--sermons, class notes, and cute inspirational sayings, poems, whatever.  Being a hoarder myself, I am actually struggling. Even though I know that most of this stuff I will never need, I feel guilty every time I toss a piece of paper in the trash pile. This is just the tip of the iceberg.  There are boxes of cookbooks and recipes.  Handwritten recipes, recipes torn our of magazines and/or newspapers.  There are probably thousands of pieces of paper.  Here's one more guess who.  Guess who now does the same thing?????

I have come to realize that I won't be able to go through every single thing before we move. (I need Peter Walsh or Hoarders, but I don't live in California, and I can't wait.) I will go through at least one box/bin every day. I am trying my best to not move some of this stuff' again.  I also must start Fly Lady again.  That will keep me organized and keep this hoarding under control. Wish me luck!

The card

Windsor, Canada from the 1960's

True Confession

I am Rulon. (He is The Biggest Loser contestant that was busted this week for eating chips, candy, whatever in his room late at night.) I am the late night binge eater.  It can be any food.  Tuesday night (yes, after watching The Biggest Loser) it was tortilla chips.  It can be fruit, ice cream, crackers--anything.

I have done this since I was a child.  My parents would fall asleep before bedtime and their night-owl child would rummage through the house for anything to binge on.  My mother, the cook from heaven, always had something stashed, even if it was frozen.  Frozen homemade cookies are wonderful! Once it was even a bag of prunes--with no ill effects afterwards. I was busted when my dad found the empty bag and pits.  Now, like a true addict a get a "hangover".  I had might as well have had a drinking binge; after all, it feels the same--queasy stomach, headache and the guilt and total feeling of stupidity.

Why do I do this?  I don't even know.  I always have had portion control issues.  Everyday stress, fear, etc are probably the root cause.  Now I want to lose these pounds that I have gained and I keep sabotaging the process.  For goodness sake, I know what to eat, how to exercise, but I keep doing this to myself.

In a recent Shape magazine article  Jennipher Walters (FitBottomedGirls.com  and FitBottomedMamas.com) outlined five symptoms of food addiction. I can check them off:

1.Food is all you think about--Not all but a lot
2.You want to stop but you can't--That's what this post is about...

3. You eat in secret or lie about how much you've eaten--Late night, alone seems to be a favorite   M.O., but it isn't always in secret.
4.You eat beyond the point of fullness--I've ignored full so much that I don't even know what full really is anymore.
5.You are compelled to eat when you're not hungry or are feeling low.  And I'll add or feeling great or just any excuse.

Also here's the link to a quiz from Eating Well Are You Addicted to Food Quiz.  It called me food dependent which means I still need help...."  Your results indicate that you might be "food dependent." For information and referrals to treatment providers and support groups, call the National Eating Disorder Association's helpline, 800-931-2237, or visit NationalEatingDisorders.org. You can also find a clinical psychologist or clinical health psychologist (PhD or PsyD) who specializes in disordered eating or weight management through the American Psychological Association’s Psychologist Locator (locator.apa.org) or seek support through Overeaters Anonymous (oa.org)."  OK tell me something I didn't know.

I won't bore you with all of the scientific stuff about dopamine receptors vs environment and this study and that study. I'll just say from first hand experience, this is just like being a drug or alcohol addict.  Same feelings, same urges, same, same, same.

Since I can't afford therapy for this, I'll have to work with it like I have in the past. Normally my Weight Watchers routines help, but this time it's not working.  Really, I'm not working.  I have to buckle down and remember Eating Well's list which does remind me of some other tools I have. After all I do have that gold key.....

Here are Eating Well's tips:
1.  Write it down---if I would only consistently do this.....
2.  Plan an occasional treat.. Have it in a restaurant instead of home.  Don't bring that cheesecake or chips into the house.  Order it out in the open where you can manage your portion size.
3.  No grazing...3 meals and an afternoon snack. Have a little protein at each one and don't get too hungry.
4.  No eating in front of the tv... or desk, or computer, or in the car.  This stops the mindless eating.
5.  Be prepared for surprise temptations...Have your script ready. (Isn't this a Weight Watchers tool too?) I'll add don't be sabotaged by anything anyone offers you or buys for you or is on sale. (On sale--my favorite.)
6.  Have healthy options for emotions--meditation,exercise, etc
7.  Hide tempting foods...I am less likely to eat them if I put them in the back of the cabinet as soon as I get home from the store.  If it's out on the kitchen table or counter its gone!
8.  Make it a hassle to overeat.......Bag up your portions when you get home from the store; use smaller plates, and my restaurant favorite is order a to-go container when the waiter brings the meal.  Place half of the meal into the container and close it. And always share dessert.

OK.  We're starting over...again on Monday.  (Dr. Phil isn't here so I don't have to start right here, right now.)  Some of my friends/co-workers/weight-loss challenge buddies are heading to the gym at lunch time starting next week so it will be a good time to re-new.  Wish me luck, think positive thoughts, say a little prayer for me.  I'll need it.

I Remember

"We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now."  - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I have decided to stick with love.  Hate is too great a burden to bear." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is the day that we celebrate the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  I remember his life and I hope that I can preserve his legacy.

Every day there is something that reminds me of the Civil Rights era.  Whether it's simply the cultural differences in my own household or whether I see President Barack Obama on television.  It might be something so simple as eating at a restaurant where I would not have been welcome during that era, or even noting my educational background which would have been difficult if not impossible prior to this era. I remember the ugly words, dogs commanded to attack, water hoses, firebombs, and assassinations. (No I didn't forget the white hoods and rebel flags either.) It makes me thankful for the progress that has been made, but also painfully aware of how far we still have to go.

There is still a lot of hate and anger in this world.  Some are aware and strive to do better, some know and try to cover it up in the presence of those who would object, and some are still very blatant with it.  There are also those who use the weaker ones to push their agenda.  They whisper in an ear and sit back and watch the fight.   Just remember if you must apologize before you make the statement, do damage control after a statement, or if it has to be said behind closed doors it is not appropriate and it is hateful.  If we stop the yelling and actually stop and calmly and rationally talk to each other and truly listen, maybe we can all co-exist, accomplish something and learn to love one another.

We should stop today and every day and take a good look in the mirror. Do we see hate or love?

Sunset

If I kept a favorite things list like Oprah does, sunrises and sunsets would be at the at the top of my list.  I can never capture the beauty, the colors.  Texas is blessed with some of the most spectacular skies from the cloudless beautiful blues to the cloud-streaked sunrises and sunsets with their brilliant blues, purples, oranges and reds. Don't forget the building thunderstorms that you can see for miles.

If I could only paint.........One of these days I'll learn to keep my Nikon with me at all times.  My Droid camera just doesn't do this sunset justice. 

Caching Up

I am so far behind on everything.  Working a second job took a definite toll on me and my home.  I haven't been able to adequately plan and cook meals and I have been too exhausted to exercise.  We won't even discuss the house. My husband tried to help, but women can see all of the dust and lack of order.  (He even learned to clean toilets and run a Swiffer!) My bank account is no fatter either.  Working late nights and rushing from one job to the next encouraged the awful fast food habit and there was no time to do any of the things that I always did to save money.  I no longer clipped coupons or even loaded my Kroger card online.  I hardly ever cooked so there was always a need to stop and pick up a burger or Chick-fil-a. I won't even talk about how many times I had to "hop on the tollway".  Now that we have two full-time employed adults here, I realized that I was ripping, running, and exhausted for nothing.  So the second job is done, finished, I quit.

Now I have to get a routine going again.  I have to plan meals and get this house in shape. I have a huge job ahead of me.  Guess it's time to read my Fly-Lady e-mails and try out more of Rocco's recipes.  I'll keep y'all posted.  (Yes, I'm behind on blogging too!)

Off course, of course

I am off track--again!! My weight went up a little a couple of weeks ago and is slowly going down, but I still know I'm off-track and "out of sorts". I haven't adjusted to working two jobs. Part (probably MOST) of  my issue is stress, anger, frustration, anxiety, all of the above.  Job #2 involves physical labor and I'm on my feet the entire time so when I'm not working I just sit. I am tired--yes I know I should go to bed earlier, but by the time my head hits the pillow I am asleep. Last week I couldn't even make myself do my T-workout.  I never miss that unless I'm at work!   I did walk my 5K Sunday. (See gorgeous sunset shown above!) Tomorrow I have to do my T-workout or walk some at lunch.  I really miss Zumba!

I also don't have the food thing down yet.  I eat on the way to the second job.  I'm getting tired of the PB on Ezekiel bread and an apple or banana so I need to re-group on that also. Then, of course, I eat when I get home.  The past week it has been a heavier meal than usual.  Then I didn't prepare my meals ahead and ate lunch out several days last week. Then we ate out both Saturday and Sunday.  It was the fabulous Gazeebo burger turkey burger (with avocado, mushrooms--no mayo) and (bad-girl) french fries on Saturday and Sunday it was Cantina Laredo with the warm salsa and chips. I ordered the Enchilada Veracruz stuffed with chicken, spinach and monterey jack cheese topped with tomatillo sauce, vinaigrette marinated vegetables, and cotija cheese--yummy.

So the shopping is done and there are healthy choices in the house.  Wednesday is a holiday potluck so I'm working on my plan for the week.  I'm taking the Sweet Pumpkin Polenta to the potluck!

Breakfast with Cheryl Forberg, RD

I had a fantastic opportunity last week.  I attended a breakfast event featuring Cheryl Forberg, RD.  Cheryl is a chef and a Registered Dietitian and is the nutritionist for NBC's The Biggest Loser. The event benefited  Days of Taste.  Days of Taste is a program that teaches 4th and 5th graders where their food comes from so it is a very worthy cause.  This event was a short distance from my home so there was no way I was going to pass it up.

Cheryl was very nice and it was great to be able to ask her questions and get a lot a valuable information.  I also had a chance to thank her for the Hershey Moderation Nation promotion that enabled me to have a free consultation with a registered dietitian.  Stasha helped me so much.  Cheryl is one of a group of RD's who use successfully use social media.  It's great to follow them on Twitter and Facebook.  I learn so much on a daily basis.

Since I'm not a dietitian, I took notes because I knew there was no way I would remember everything. Some points re-emphasized things I knew and some were things I didn't know. I am putting my notes in the weekly newsletter that I write for our weight-loss challenge at the office. I am considering just blogging about one tip per day until I go through my list.

We also had a chance to ask "behind the scenes" questions about The Biggest Loser.  I feel that there is just not enough shown about the nutrition of the contestants.  They don't seem to show the nutrition portion unless a celebrity chef shows up or they're plugging a sponsor.  This is very important.  We can all move more, but unless we have the proper nutrition and know how many calories we need it just doesn't work.  I know this from my own experience!  We have to have the full picture.  (OK, I'm off my soapbox now.)

Now for the food.  Chef Whitey Hershorn at Sysco foods (our location for the event) prepared the food. He prepared egg whites with brown rice and caramelized onions and Cheryl's recipe Sweet Pumpkin Polenta. (Cheryl demonstrated the preparation of the polenta dish.)  The food was awesome! We also had yogurt and berries (which is a great side for the polenta), turkey bacon, english muffins, peanut butter, granola......I probably forgot something, but you get the idea.

Here's the recipe for the polenta.  I made it this weekend. It didn't taste exactly like Chef Whitey's but it was good.  Really, it would have been better but I didn't have the full amount of agave and I was didn't want to wait until I could go to the store for more.  Also note that a can of pumpkin is not quite 2 cups. This dish works for breakfast or a desert.

Sweet Pumpkin Polenta 

from Positively Ageless: A 28-Day Plan for a Younger, Slimmer, Sexier You 
Cheryl Forberg, RD

MAKES 8 SERVINGS
The smell of sweet spices will fill the air while this creamy dessert is baking. It’s divine straight from the oven but tastes heavenly the next day when it’s cold—if there’s any left the next day.

• 2 cups pumpkin puree, fresh or canned
• 1 large omega-3 egg, lightly beaten
• 2/3 cup agave nectar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon ground ginger
• ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/3 cup stone-ground cornmeal or polenta
• 2 cups water
• 1 cup low-fat, or fat-free milk
• ½ teaspoon salt
• toasted pecans (optional)
  

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly coat a 2-quart soufflé dish or casserole with olive oil cooking spray. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, egg, agave, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and vanilla extract. Stir well to combine. Set aside.
In a 2-quart saucepan, combine the cornmeal, water, milk, and salt; mix well. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly. Cook, stirring, 10 minutes or longer until thick and smooth. Remove from the heat. Carefully pour in the reserved pumpkin mixture and stir to combine. Pour into the prepared baking dish. Bake for 50 minutes, stirring well once, halfway through.
The mixture will be thick and bubbly. Serve warm, sprinkled with toasted pecans, if desired.

PUMPKIN FACTOID: Pumpkin’s high concentration of antioxidants and beta-carotene make it a favorite antiaging ingredient for skin-care products.

NUTRIENT ANALYSIS PER SERVING
127 calories, 3 g protein, 26 g carbohydrates, 2 g total fat, 0 g saturated fat, 5 g monounsaturated fat, 30 mg omega-3s, 2 g fiber, 17 g sugar, 254 mg sodium